Because we're getting married in a garden, I wanted to avoid the traditional bouquet of flowers. So I think I have made my decision - some form of a succulent bouquet! I'm excited, I love the look of succulents & the fact that they won't wilt. AND you can spray paint them (hey, they're going to die anyway...) So, here are a few of the options I've found :)

my newest challenge

we'll see how this pans out...

*I should add to this why I am only using a dictionary and not a class. I was discussing with the Greek/Hebrew prof at IWU and she was telling me about a guy who knows like 80 languages fluently or something ridiculous like that. Well, his method is to learn a few thousand of the most popular words before he even begins with sentence structure. So, this is my attempt at his theory.

she's only happy in the sun

I feel as if I have not had a single minute alone in months (until now, when I am sitting in the office alone, with nothing to do, ready to scratch my eyes out from boredom). My mother gets married in exactly one month, and until said time, I will be running like a mad woman packing up my belongings, preparing my father's basement, and then moving in. Hopefully by then, the weather will be over this fickle back and forth of rain then sun and 45 then 80. This summer I would like to do a lot more of the following: ride my bike, take walks, drink tea, sit outside and enjoy the day, relax, figure out what I want to do for a living, read thought-provoking books, and discuss said books with people. I want to truly learn to embrace life this summer, because even though things get crazy and I feel like pulling my hair out, I have it SO good, and I don't recognize it often enough. I want to enjoy myself, and stop stressing the little things - it all falls into place eventually. I want to have a good summer, and let the good vibes continue on through fall and winter. If only it would stop raining...

For My Mom

Mother's day is tomorrow, so of course I'm reflecting a bit on the past year and how our relationship has changed. I've grown up a lot, and we've both had so many changes (what, with both of us being engaged and planning weddings). We've been through some tough times together this past year, with everything happening in Drew's life, we've clung to one another for support. My mom has always been my backbone. Even the times when she irritates me (and I, her) and when we seem too busy for one another, I know I would not be the woman I've become without her. She has taught me what it means to truly look ahead - learning from past mistakes, and never looking back. What it truly means to love and care for those around you - endlessly giving, expecting nothing in return. What it means to support your family and friends, even when it seems as if they've screwed up one too many times. What it means to love your enemies, sincerely complimenting people and listening to them, even though they make your skin crawl. What it means to be beautiful - inside and out, because when the outer beauty fades, the inner beauty is all you'll have. What it means to let NO ONE stand in the way of your dreams, pursuing them despite everyone's opinions. What it means to form my own opinions and beliefs, and not be timid to share them. What it means to not be afraid of my emotions, and always trust my gut.  My mother isn't perfect, and I'm so thankful for that. She is incredibly intelligent, beautiful, caring, loving, wise, talented, fun, and so many other things. She has raised me to be a strong and independent woman. She's talked me through hard times and danced with me in the kitchen. She taught me to let go and just have fun, even when nothing seems to be going right. She has supported every decision I've made, whether she agreed or not - letting me make my own mistakes. She has taught me to love without holding back. She loves me exactly as I am, never pressuring me to be better or do more, but always encouraging me to do my best. I hope that someday I'm half the mom she is. I hope she always knows how much I love & appreciate her.

Chi-town

For Christmas, I got Ethan tickets to William Fitzsimmons at Old Town School of Folk Music in Chicago. This past weekend was the show, and we had a blast. He is incredibly talented and down to earth. Here are the only two pictures I took the entire weekend we were there.

Before the show - we were SO close to the stage, it was awesome.

A little blurry, but we got to meet him afterward. He was so nice and appreciative that we drove 3 1/2 hours for the show and stayed after to meet him.

Go here to check him out & get his newest album Gold in the Shadow - you won't regret it!

my love

Today my father asked me if I was getting cold feet. I said no, definitely not, to which he responded (quite shocked, I might add) "really???". Not only did this little exchange irritate me, but it rather offended me. He felt the need to continue on with things like "it's not something to not take seriously, ya know?" Yes, dad, I know. But no offense, you're about the last person I'll be taking relationship/marriage advice from. As two people from divorced families, Ethan and I definitely know what not to do. With that said, this conversation sparked in me a memory of my favorite couple - Maurice & Madeline. When Maurice died, I felt a pain so deep, I thought it would never go away, and sometimes I still find myself with that same deep feeling of pain as the day he passed (tears are welling up in my eyes as I type this). But my pain was nothing compared to what Madeline must have felt and still feels today. When my mom asked her if she would ever date again - even for the sake of companionship - Madeline said no, Maurice was the love of her life and no one ever could or would replace him. Even now I can't imagine my life without Ethan. I literally have no idea what I would do without him - the thought makes my heart hurt (unfortunately, I am such a paranoid person, I worry every time one of us makes the 25 mile drive between us). He is the love of my life, no one could even come close to replacing him - I wouldn't want them to. I have never in my entire life been more sure of anything. Ethan is my Maurice. And whether or not my dad can see it, I am completely in love with him and I will spend the rest of my life figuring out what it takes to stay that way.

I mourned for the loss of innocent lives in 9/11. I mourn for the loss of a wicked man's soul. I mourn for those who loved them all. I mourn for what we consider justice. I mourn for the attitudes, actions, and behavior of my brothers and sisters in Christ. I mourn for the state of our people when we lower ourselves to those with whom we are in opposition - remembering the cheers of our 'enemies' when 9/11 was a success, and the all too familiar feeling when I see 'my people' acting just the same. I mourn it all.