party van...

...with a tape deck...

...playin' some good tunes...

...makes for happy people :)

RIP

Today I hit a deer..really hard.

I'm going to go ahead and say it's totaled.

So now I'm driving my Dad's old van until I can get a car.

I'm fine, the deer is not.

I've never hit a deer before; I was absolutely terrified.

Cyndi says it's a "blessing in disguise"...

I'll just keep telling myself that.

Update

I (once again) laid everything out for the very nice woman at Sallie Mae (who didn't even make me want to yell at her once). By some incredible miracle my payments have gone from $264/mo with 12% & 9% interest to $174/mo with 1% interest. Yes, you read that correctly: ONE PERCENT! The payment isn't ideal, but I'll take it. Especially because I no longer feel as though someone is shoving my head under water.

Frustrated

I've been planning to go back to college either in January or next Fall. Also, I've been planning to move out of Mom's house sometime relatively soon. In order to do so, I requested that my Sallie Mae payments be lowered from $264/mo to $75/mo, considering my monthly income after expenses is $200. Apparently, Sallie Mae couldn't give a shit less how much money I (don't) have, because they rejected my request to lower my payments. I know that worrying about it will solve nothing, but I have literally no idea how I'll be making these payments. I guess I can say goodbye to college and ever moving out of this place. I need a miracle.

the best thing Nick's ever said to me

"People make mistakes."

...sometimes I need to be reminded.

Fed up

I am so sick of hearing excuses. There's always a "logical reason" for why people do or don't do certain things or act a particular way. "I have no money because I don't have a good job", "I can't love someone because I've been hurt in the past", "I'm a total bitch to everyone because nothing ever goes my way", "I'm lazy and love to do drugs because my father never showed me love". At some point you just have to GET OVER IT. You cannot let your past dictate your future. You don't have money because you don't manage it well. You can't love because you're dwelling on the past. You're a total bitch because you're self-centered and refuse to take blame. You're lazy and do drugs because you haven't developed coping skills. I'm just so tired of everyone copping out of responsibility for their actions. Of course, no one ever wants to admit they've done something wrong or handled a situation incorrectly, but sometimes you've just got to suck it up. I hate admitting I am ever in the wrong, but I'm learning to do so for the sake of my friendships, others around me, and my own sanity. What good does it do to wallow in self pity? Constantly acting as if you're always the one being wronged. It's your life, no one can change it or make it better for you.

The true way to my heart?

Buy me tickets to Paul Simon & Bob Dylan..it's pretty possible I'd marry whoever did this on the spot. Or at least be really happy.

Self Respect

I stand behind what I believe. I will not lower my standards or bend my morals for someone else. I've realized that hiding or changing who I am to impress someone else is a waste of time. If my beliefs or my life style make you uncomfortable or seem crazy to you, that's fine. If you can't accept everything about me, you don't deserve anything from me. I'm tired of trying to act perfect, because I'm not. Reading Eat Pray Love (yeah yeah, I enjoyed it) made me realize something. No matter how much I want to change things about me, I can't. I'll never be stick thin with perfect legs. I'll never be the quiet type. I'll never be the girl to go crazy over babies or weddings. I'll never care about my makeup or my nails. I'll absolutely never be the type to keep my opinions to myself. These are things I'm slowly learning to accept about myself. And if someone else can't accept them, then they don't deserve all the other fantastic things I have to offer.

Old

Both of my parents (along with other various relatives) are in this picture, can you find them?

i'll miss this

Yes, it's dark and blurry. Yes, I look like Jason Mraz.
But these people mean more to me than life itself.

the more I see, the less I know

I stayed up until 3 a.m. just talking with Nick. We talked about life, love, God, friends, and everything in between. I am so thankful to have friends I can openly talk to about things, people to figure out this journey with. I really don't know where I'd be without them.

Heathie.2

My big brother has started a blog. Go here to be overwhelmed with the eloquence of his speech. Just kidding, but really..check it out. He is starting a brand new chapter in his life and cataloguing his thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc. in a way I have never experienced. It'll be worth your time, I promise. Take a look into this mind.

East of Eden

I just finished it last night. I can't believe it's taken me this long to do so, it was so good. I find myself wishing people still spoke with that kind of language, it seems more powerful..or something. It toyed with my emotions more than any book I can remember. One minute I wanted to cry, the next I was laughing. Here are a few of my favorite quotes:

"The proofs that God does not exist are very strong, but in lots of people they are not as strong as the feeling that He does."

"Ladies were not ladies anymore, and you couldn't trust a gentleman's word."

"You are one of the rare people who can separate your observation from your preconception. You see what is, where most people see what they expect."

"There are no ugly questions except those clothed in condescension."

"A kind of light spread out from her. And everything changed color. And the world opened out. And a day was good to awaken to. And there were no limits to anything. And the people of the world were good and handsome. And I was not afraid anymore."

"I believe a strong woman may be stronger than a man, particularly if she happens to have love in her heart. I guess a loving woman is almost indestructible."

"He loved a celebration of the human soul. Such things were like personal triumph to him."

"Tom's cowardice was as huge as his courage, as it must be in great men. His violence balanced his tenderness. And himself was a pitted battlefield of his own forces."

"In uncertainty I am certain that underneath their topmost layers of frailty men want to be good and want to be loved. Indeed, most of their vices are attempted short cuts to love."

"They say a clean cut heals soonest. There's nothing sadder to me than associations held together by nothing but the glue of postage stamps. If you can't see or touch a man, it's best to let him go."

"I don't want to know how it comes out. I only want to be there while it's going on."

Yes, Please

Read this, now.

As I read this article I was presented with a concept that is far from new to me, but one I've almost always ignored. It's only been recently that the concept of simplicity has become so appealing. I'm tired of being surrounded by meaningless stuff. Sure, I like my shoes...but how many of them do I wear consistently? Maybe 10, at the very most (seasons combined). The size of my wardrobe is completely ridiculous and I have more useless items than any 30 people should own collectively.

The girl in the article is pretty extreme with her purging of 'stuff', but it's also inspiring. I would love nothing more than to live in a clutter-free 400 sq ft apartment with whomever I marry. My only non-negotiable item? My piano. It's my escape from the world (when no one is home to listen, of course), that's something I'm not willing to give up. Other than that, I'm kind of sick of having so many things. Although I love what I do, I wish I didn't work in an industry so caught up with appearance. Otherwise, I'd own minimal amounts of clothing. Maybe I should change professions.

RRL

I love this too much.

Florida.2

It happens to be I have so much to say, that I have nothing to say at all. So, I will just post some more Florida pictures.

the beach..not awful

farmer's market - so good!

at an outside mall enjoying the musical stylings of Billy Bones

coldstone (for the first time) with my new friends :)

The Big Tree

Ok, I lied. I'm uploading one of my own pictures. One of my first days in Florida, Megan was off working so her friends were trying desperately to entertain me (they'd yet to realize I'm not difficult to please). They took me to part of the island where there is a museum and really cool scenery. They said "we have to take her to see the big tree!" My interest was sparked...
Here is what I saw:

I'm not sure if you can tell, but the roots are out of the ground so much that they are basically the entirety of the bottom half of the tree. I was in awe. It looked like the perfect place to sit and read a book all day. Or to get married (which unfortunately, they do not allow). I have to say, it was one of my favorite places I visited while there.

Florida

Here are just a few pictures from Florida - ones that Megan has sent me, because I'm too lazy to hook my camera up right now.

from the top:

Craig & I

Megan & I

Megan, Craig, & I

Nora (my new friend) & I

Needless to say, I enjoyed myself :)

Ma gurL

the epitome of our friendship...and my skills with iPhoto.

New Jersey

I might need to be accompanied (along with Hillary), so that I can drive back in time to be at Heath's last Sunday. Who's in to be my driving partner?

Sunday's Sunset

brought a smile to my face :)

Have a little faith in me, I have a little faith in you

I am emotionally drained. I try with every fiber of my being to let these things pass by me without having a negative effect, but it's gotten to be too much.  The poor attitude, harsh tone of voice, and entitled mind set do nothing but wear everyone out. You are owed nothing by anyone, yet anything given to you is taken without appreciation. I am becoming resentful towards you for sucking the energy out of everyone around. I wish I could fix this, please realize that I didn't cause this to happen. I want to love and help you. I want to be there for you in any way that I can, but please stop expecting it and just be grateful. The frustration is bringing me to tears.




And when the rain falls down
You know the flowers are gonna bloom
And when the hard times come
You know the teacher's in the room
And when the sun comes up
You know that I'll be there for you
-MF