There's Beauty in the Breakdown..

Everything about my life in Noblesville has fallen apart...only for much more promising things to begin to fall together. I love the people I've met here, and I will stay close with a few of them, but this place never has been, and never will be, home. I've been spending more time recently in Huntington with Heath & Hillary & some other people. I love being there. It feels more like home to me than Marion does. I know it seems crazy that I'm moving to a place where I'll probably make 1/3 of what I could be making down here, but I know it's what I'm supposed to do. I've struggled with the decision a lot, and I've been praying about it constantly. It just feels right, that's the only way I can explain it. On Monday I'm dropping my resume off at a salon in Huntington and I'm looking at a house to potentially rent. The house sounds pretty cool, it's $110 a week, which seems really cheap to me compared to rent down here, but Hillary says it's expensive...I guess we'll see!

I'm going to talk to my dad about giving the child support, that has been going to my mom, to me after I graduate. It would be a tremendous help for me financially, and a little less stress until I can get up on my feet and take care of everything myself.

I've been thinking about going to college at HU in a year to study Literature. I'm still not sure if it's what I want to do, but by then I'm sure I'll know.

Everything in my life is pretty undecided right now, but that's okay...because I think as soon as everything seems to be figured out, something else changes. :]

boys, boys, boys...

My thoughts are all jumbled so excuse me if none of this makes much sense.

The boy, Evan, I went on the date with, is driving me totally crazy. Not in the good way either. He says he "understands" that I have a lot going on in my life right now and will give me space and then it's like he won't just leave me alone...space isn't texting me every waking second of your life and asking me what I'm thinking in regards to him. Well sir, I'm thinking a whole lot of nothing in regards to you...I have bigger things in my life right now than our one-date-relationship. Plus, he lives nearly 2 hours away, I don't find this to be the good start of a long-term relationship by any means. Call me cynical, but that's how I see it.

On the other hand, I've been hanging out with a guy from Indy that I go to school with. Yes, he's straight. He's absolutely nothing like what I, or anyone else, would picture me with, but he makes me very happy. We make each other laugh. I'm comfortable around him, and that doesn't happen too often. We're nothing serious right now, and that's fine with me, I'm not at a place in my life to be in a serious relationship, and neither is he...so it works pretty perfectly. We see each other when we have the time, but we also both have separate lives. I love that, I've never had that before. Whether it will go somewhere or not, I don't know, but I'm enjoying myself for the time being and I'm not going to try to force anything to happen. It's all out of my control.

Ah!

I graduate in exactly one month & one week. I'm completely freaking out. I have to go in tomorrow to tell the complex I'm not renewing my lease & then *hopefully* look at a house here pretty soon. Also, I will be filling out an application and faxing it, along with my resume, to Tyler Mason Salon. Interviewing scares me a whole lot, I don't feel like I'm old enough to go through this process...I'm not even old enough to go have a drink & celebrate when I get the job! Haha :] I pray that the job & the house both work out, from what I've been told, the rent being asked for the house is an amazing deal, let's hope that I feel the same way once I've actually seen the place. The salon offers benefits (health, dental, 401k, paid vacation, flex plan, etc), which would be incredible for me, seeing as how I won't be getting married anytime soon. If this all works out, it will bein a huge blessing.

My mother thinks that I should look at houses closer to the salon I'm applying at, which is on the west side of Indy. I see her point because she knows from experience that a commute is no fun. But I know from experience that moving somewhere and knowing absolutely no one and being a good distance from your friends is also no fun, something she doesn't understand because she's never left her comfort zone of Marion. I'll swap a long drive for the fact that I'll be able to come home and be close to my friends. Maybe eventually I'll look at a place closer to where I work, but for now, Noblesville is in between the salon & Marion, to me that's a pretty good location.

The lady who was trying to get rid of the dog never returned my phone call. I understand if she's changed her mind, but let's act our age and just let me know that. An un-returned phone call over a matter such as this is incredibly irritating. Oh well, I suppose it wasn't supposed to work out.

So I've got it in my head that I will somehow be getting a piano for graduation. My aunt & uncle have an older electric piano that they bought for my little cousin when he was learning to play. Well he's coming into his senior year and they also have a baby grand in their home. Perhaps they will be gracious enough to give their little piano to me when I graduate/move. It would probably be the first nice thing they've ever done in their entire lives. :]

Now that I've written a little book...I'm going to go relax for the evening.

Beau

I have been offered a free, full-blooded, house broken, 7 month old, brindle boxer by my dad & step-mom's neighbor's daughter (how confusing). I really want the dog, he's gorgeous! I'm not sure if I'm in a place financially to take on another big dog, but my step-mom thinks I should pray about it. So I'm going to. I know this seems petty, but to me it isn't.

In other news...lots of drama around this little humble abode of mine recently. I'll get to that later. :]