I was driving up to Marion today to celebrate Drew's birthday with my Dad's family, and I passed a house that was burning trash or something of the sort, and I got really excited. I love the smell of a bonfire, and I can't wait until that smell is consuming the outdoors every time I walk outside at night. I can't wait until I can ride around with my windows down, blasting my music. Everything about Summer makes me so happy...and although it would be wonderful to live in a place like California or Florida, where it's nice outside all the time, the shitty Indiana weather makes me appreciate Summer even more. I want to be outside as much as possible this Summer. I want to go on bike rides, to bonfires, and just walk around outside or lay by the pool, anything really. I miss the sun, and Ben Harper puts it best: She's only happy in the sun! :]
I've been with my family a lot this weekend, and it was really nice. I know I see them pretty often, but every time I do, it just makes me realize how much I've been blessed. Since I've started school, I've met and talked to a lot of girls that talk about how fucked up some of their lives are, and I know that my family is nowhere near perfect, but I rarely have complaints about them. They have always been my backbone and my rock, I wouldn't have gotten through a lot of things without them. I've decided that I will never be with a guy that my family doesn't approve of. Even though I don't agree with everything my Dad's family believes, I would never want to lose them because I was dating someone they didn't like. I want my family and the man I end up with to click effortlessly. I may be dreaming a bit, but it seems to have happened for both of my brothers.
I was listening to the song "You Don't Know Me" by Ben Folds & Regina Spektor, and it's totally how I feel about everyone around me. I feel like no one really knows me, besides my family and a couple choice friends. Sure, I can tell you about my life, my favorite colors, how much I love reading, and my favorite movies, but I feel as though no one really knows me. They don't know my heart, my desires, my true thoughts. I hide so many of those things for fear of being misunderstood, rejected, or just looked at differently. I still haven't gotten to the point where I'm okay with not "fitting in" just a little bit. Even though I'm a lot different than everyone I go to school with, I still strive to find similarities so that I'm not viewed as an outcast or an outsider of sorts. That sounds so stupid and immature, but I know that it's how most people feel. Very few people are okay with not being accepted...I just hope that I can someday get to a point where I truly don't care whether or not people accept me for who I am, because I was made this way for a reason, and I'm not going to alter it just to fit in with those around me.
Also, I got to hang with Keaton this weekend. I had missed my BFF a whole lot, and we had fun talking and watching movies and what not. We're growing our hair out together till it covers our boobies and we look like hippies. Pretty excited.
This was totally scatter-brained...welcome to my world. Hah.
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