Here is just a little blurb of my fabulous Christmas :)

Ethan & I had seven, yes seven, Christmases to attend - and surprisingly, they all went smoothly enough with very little frustration (with our families, not each other).

Ethan, being the wonderful boyfriend he is, got me an iPhone for Christmas...cleverly disguised in a french press (which I desperately needed).
I have been whining about an iPhone for, like, forever. I had no expectation of getting one so I was thoroughly surprised when I pulled my french press out of it's box and an iPhone fell out from underneath it :) He is amazing.

Heath & Hillary came home for Christmas, and Ethan & I were able to take them to dinner Sunday night. It was good to just hang out and relax with them while enjoying some delicious Taj Mahal. I am so, so thankful that Ethan is friends with them already, their approval/support is so important to me.

That's our Christmas in a nutshell - regardless of the chaos, I thank God we were able to spend time with our families and have a little relaxation.

Happy New Years :)

I've been so caught up with myself lately I haven't had time to really think of anyone else. I've been focused on what I want, what I need, what's going on in my life, that it's pretty sickening. Yesterday, Ethan had a show at the 509. I always forget how much I love hearing him play and sing until it actually happens. He warms my heart with his voice. Back to the point - his old band had a sort of impromptu reunion at the show. I've never heard them play together and I was blown away by their talent, it was such a good time. During the show, it hit me how much (specifically) two of the guys may be hurting. One of the guys, a good friend of Ethan's, is in the middle of divorcing his wife - whom he married 1 year & 1 day ago. They have been together for a total of 7 years. You think after that amount of time you know someone, until you don't, and you find out she's been with someone else. I literally cannot fathom what he must have felt when he first knew. Thinking about it made my heart hurt so much. Why do people hurt each other? You don't love him anymore - find ANY other way than cheating on him...like, oh, maybe not marrying him? But what do I know (a lot on this subject and divorce, actually).

On to the other guy - he is a mutual friend of Ethan & I, he has been at the 509 since Heath started there a little over 5 years ago. Recently he tried to take his own life. Thank God, he was unsuccessful. It's awful to realize someone is in so much pain when they can bring those around them so much joy. His quirky personality and contagious smile have always brightened my day. His generosity has brought opportunities to my brother that he may not have had otherwise. Every time I think about it my heart breaks, I want with everything inside of me for him to see himself the way everyone else does. But I suppose only time and God can make that happen. I guess my point is that, even though it's hard to not get caught up in yourself during the holidays - your plans, your gifts, your family, your friends, your wants - try to look at those around you and see where they are hurting and what you can do. Maybe it's nothing more than praying for someone, but let's always always always be aware of those around us, in every way we can. Thus ends my jumbled thoughts.

So, it has come to be that because I have made good decisions in my life, work hard, and don't have any illegitimate children, I am going to have a much harder time than those who don't fit that description. My oh-so-wonderful father has once again decided to put me into a financial pickle. He has realized that because I am 21 and no longer in school, he doesn't have to pay child support anymore. This may not sound as bad as it is, my father's child support checks have been used solely for paying my car loan & auto insurance. He has so gracefully offered to keep me on his health insurance for a "bit longer" until I can afford it on my own (gee, thanks dad). This has only furthered my very strong opinion that my father has no idea what it means to raise a child - it far surpasses fulfilling what little legal obligations you may have and realizing that helping people, especially your children, might be a more beneficial than having a comfortable retirement and a fancy remote starter. Quit being so surprised that your children are distant and non-communicative when you do little to act like a true father. I will give him a small amount of credit for offering to sit down with me and look through my finances, with the possibility of still helping me (we'll see how that actually turns out).

As I started to explore my options for health insurance I was presented with the idea of HIP. This is not the ideal situation in my mind, I would love nothing more than to afford a normal policy on my own, but that isn't going to happen. This seemed way too good to be true, well guess what - it is. Our lovely governor, Mitch Daniels (I'll save my rant on his awful decision making skills for another time), has reserved almost all of the HIP funds for single mothers. Please explain to me how it works that I have managed to NOT be a statistic, yet I still can't catch a break for working in an industry where I will never be provided with any sort of benefits? Even though I work full time and pay all my bills when they're actually due (more than I can say for most people of any age). Doesn't exactly make sense.

On a brighter note, Drew will be home tomorrow, Heath & Hillary will get to come home for Christmas, and there are only 2 more days until the weekend - a little happiness for my day.

So today I was thinking about relationships and what’s “logical”. I’ve always told myself that once I got to a point that I was thinking about marriage I would always play it smart. Always have my own money, my own life, my own goals, my own aspirations. I would always keep myself guarded enough that if anything bad happened I would be okay.

As I considered this thought process, I realized that leaves no room for REAL love. What is love if you don’t trust that person with absolutely everything you have. No doubt it leaves you much more vulnerable for the rest of your life, but it also allows the experience of loving someone with no barriers. This is not to say that losing identity is the essence of love, but bringing those two identities together to form something even more beautiful.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is, I’m done being guarded and scared. I’m done being so worried about making sure I keep what is mine and give it to no one else. Maybe someday I will be completely devastated, but I can rejoice in the fact that I loved in a way only possible by giving myself wholly to someone else.

This past weekend was so crazy and eventful, here it is in short:

-Ethan had 2 shows in Michigan this weekend, so early Friday afternoon we started out on the 3 1/2 hour drive. We arrived in Rockford (near GR) at Epic Coffee House.

-We stayed at Ethan's friend, Jon's, parents house that night. It was an incredible house and I was overwhelmed by their love and hospitality. They made sure we were well taken care of on our stay and Jon even made us pancakes the next morning. Awesome!

-Saturday night was another show at Guido's Coffee Lounge in Owosso (near Lansing). The turn out for the show was so good. I think like 60 people packed in a not-so-spacious room to listen to some good music. Ethan played such a great show - I even caught a couple high school girls mouthing to each other, "wow! he is soooo good" :) brought me a little laugh. The people there were so supportive, many overpaid for CDs just to contribute to our gas tank.

-I met so many incredible people over the weekend. I'm quite positive I've never felt so comfortable and welcome with a group of strangers. Jon's dad prayed over us before we left, which was unexpected but still awesome and appreciated. We finally got home at 1:00 am and basically fell into bed.

-Today we picked up the kittens that mom & I got. Two little girlies - mine, Lux, and mom's, Chloe. It was quite the fiasco picking them up. Four of us were running around a garage trying to catch Chloe as she darted underneath cars and riding mowers. Lux has adapted quicker because I held her the entire hour we were chasing the other. Chloe is still a bit timid, but warming up quickly. Pictures soon (I'm much too tired right now).

-That's all for tonight, folks. I am off to bed!