brittney lyn

Mom got married this past weekend and the whole family is home and happy. I love it - spending time outdoors and enjoying one another's company. Inevitably, when Heath is home we wind up reminiscing and getting on the subject of how awful our father was (and sadly, still is).  Heath tried to call our dad five times over the past couple months to arrange a time to see him when he was home - Dad never answered or returned his calls (his excuse was that Heath didn't leave a message). Heath's conclusion? He's over it. He's done trying. One can only do so much.

So yesterday (Father's Day), I went out to Dad's to do some finishing touches on the basement and Cyndi makes a comment that Dad didn't hear from Heath on Father's Day. She proceeds to say "He's a jerk. I'm sorry, but he's a jerk. I lose more respect for him as time goes on. What did your father ever do to him?" SERIOUSLY?! What did he do to him? Where should I start? Maybe the time that dad found Drew & I PLAYING together, spanked us both for no reason, sent us to bed at 2 pm with no supper, and then yelled at Mom for crying when he did so. Or how about the time he was dragging heath through the house by his legs, while kicking him, as a small child and when Mom got upset, he told her to "watch it, or she'd be next". Or the time that Heath finally stood up to Dad, and Dad got so angry that he kicked a hole in Heath's door. Or the time he screamed at me as a 4 year old for talking at the dinner table because he couldn't hear Fox News. Or maybe the time that he got angry at Drew and I for something and punched a hole in our door. I could literally go on for hours about reasons that each of us has resentment built up toward our father. And you can say, "but that was so long ago" "Christ is about redemption" so on and so forth. The fact of the matter is, our father has not changed, he has only realized that we out-number and out-strengthen him now. He subtly continues to be a shitty father by not communicating with us and then acting to everyone else as if we ignore him, or by making up excuses to not help me get a car or contribute to paying for my wedding. He makes jabs at our political and religious beliefs - even though he has no real facts to back up his own. He is narrow-minded and judgmental. He is racist and sexist and doesn't even realize it. My father is the reason I have suppressed most of my childhood and the reason I do not want to have children.

So there it is, all of the years of saying "you haven't lived with him, you don't get it" - maybe now someone will get it. Obviously Cyndi doesn't, because she's bigger than Dad and he can't threaten her. She's living in a dream world where she thinks she's married to the perfect man and the greatest dad. My apologies to her for that incredibly delusional thought.