I had a fantastic weekend, and at some point, without my knowledge, something in me changed. It is deeply ingrained in my nature to be quick-witted, sharp-tongued, and nit picky. I am so painfully aware of these traits that I cringe when they show themselves. And like seeing a train wreck, I feel powerless to stop them.
When Heath moved, it was incredibly difficult for me. Not only was I losing my big brother, but I was losing my pastor - hands down, no question the best speaker I have heard (all bias aside). He is incredibly intelligent, will not speak without being well studied on a subject, and articulates my thoughts better than I know how. I was absolutely convinced that I would not find another pastor whose words could reach me the way Heath's did (and still do, thanks to his blog). I was so wrong, because this weekend God spoke through someone else. I quickly learned that Heath's intelligence didn't make him a fantastic preacher, it was God's gift of communication - he was only the messenger. Kevin, the pastor at the church community we've been involved with recently, is a great guy. He shares my dry/sarcastic sense of humor and an understanding of the cynicism I've been carrying with me for far too long. This week he spoke on James 1:19, and for the first time in awhile I felt as if a sermon had been written solely for me. Suddenly, I realized that criticizing others and always having a quick response does nothing but hurt both parties. I was shining a spotlight on the flaws of others (which I'm sure they already knew) and causing myself to become even more cynical than before. I wasn't opening myself up to God and letting him show me how to truly communicate.
No, I may never be the 'strong, silent type', but I am continuing to learn how to listen and speak intentionally. Listening to what others have to say and what God has to say through them, and speaking to others in a positive, uplifting manner. Already I feel better and my relationships with those around me are feeling the benefit.
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