Cabin Fever

This time of year is almost always my least favorite. Basically all I want to do is stand outside, I don't even need an activity, just the sun's warmth on my skin. These next couple months will be long ones. My legs are feeling claustrophobic. That is all.

1 year ago today..

Nick was diagnosed with leukemia. I remember like it was yesterday standing in the break room at work reading the text from Michael. I couldn't breathe, my heart hurt. I left work early, drove to Ryan's, and cried on his bed. It was a life-changing moment for all of us. Nick has come so far from that point, yet he still has far to go on the road to a full recovery. He's taught me so much: to make the most of my time, to never take anything for granted, and most importantly to see the good side of any situation. I don't have much else to say, except that I thank God for letting me keep one of my best friends longer; and I pray He never lets me forget what I've learned from this experience.

the kenosis~

"Jesus offered his body and flesh to Judas (the betrayer). Jesus cried for forgiveness for those harming him. Jesus did not boycott the gay community. Jesus did not have employment (or look for employment) for at least three years. Jesus was a Jew. Jesus had nowhere to lay his head (was he homeless?). Jesus reconciled zealots, government workers, business owners, doctors, and more. Jesus was a criminal. Jesus paid his taxes when the money was pulled from the mouth of a fish. Jesus drank wine (55-gallon jugs sometimes)."


This is an excerpt from my big brother's (Heath) most recent blog post. Check it out - he's brilliant, I promise you won't be disappointed.

Here is just a little blurb of my fabulous Christmas :)

Ethan & I had seven, yes seven, Christmases to attend - and surprisingly, they all went smoothly enough with very little frustration (with our families, not each other).

Ethan, being the wonderful boyfriend he is, got me an iPhone for Christmas...cleverly disguised in a french press (which I desperately needed).
I have been whining about an iPhone for, like, forever. I had no expectation of getting one so I was thoroughly surprised when I pulled my french press out of it's box and an iPhone fell out from underneath it :) He is amazing.

Heath & Hillary came home for Christmas, and Ethan & I were able to take them to dinner Sunday night. It was good to just hang out and relax with them while enjoying some delicious Taj Mahal. I am so, so thankful that Ethan is friends with them already, their approval/support is so important to me.

That's our Christmas in a nutshell - regardless of the chaos, I thank God we were able to spend time with our families and have a little relaxation.

Happy New Years :)

I've been so caught up with myself lately I haven't had time to really think of anyone else. I've been focused on what I want, what I need, what's going on in my life, that it's pretty sickening. Yesterday, Ethan had a show at the 509. I always forget how much I love hearing him play and sing until it actually happens. He warms my heart with his voice. Back to the point - his old band had a sort of impromptu reunion at the show. I've never heard them play together and I was blown away by their talent, it was such a good time. During the show, it hit me how much (specifically) two of the guys may be hurting. One of the guys, a good friend of Ethan's, is in the middle of divorcing his wife - whom he married 1 year & 1 day ago. They have been together for a total of 7 years. You think after that amount of time you know someone, until you don't, and you find out she's been with someone else. I literally cannot fathom what he must have felt when he first knew. Thinking about it made my heart hurt so much. Why do people hurt each other? You don't love him anymore - find ANY other way than cheating on him...like, oh, maybe not marrying him? But what do I know (a lot on this subject and divorce, actually).

On to the other guy - he is a mutual friend of Ethan & I, he has been at the 509 since Heath started there a little over 5 years ago. Recently he tried to take his own life. Thank God, he was unsuccessful. It's awful to realize someone is in so much pain when they can bring those around them so much joy. His quirky personality and contagious smile have always brightened my day. His generosity has brought opportunities to my brother that he may not have had otherwise. Every time I think about it my heart breaks, I want with everything inside of me for him to see himself the way everyone else does. But I suppose only time and God can make that happen. I guess my point is that, even though it's hard to not get caught up in yourself during the holidays - your plans, your gifts, your family, your friends, your wants - try to look at those around you and see where they are hurting and what you can do. Maybe it's nothing more than praying for someone, but let's always always always be aware of those around us, in every way we can. Thus ends my jumbled thoughts.