pray

..without ceasing.

For my big brother. Everything inside of me aches for him to see God in a real way. He has such an incredible personality and the power to influence people in a way he doesn't realize. He's one of the few people I literally don't think I could survive without. He's dwelling in his past mistakes, not understanding that he can move past that and create a new life. My once loud, outgoing, light-hearted, joking older brother has become bitter, quiet, distanced. He won't talk to anyone about anything...not even me, we used to talk about everything, we were so close. My heart hurts for him.

Excuse the language...

...but I've been pretty into this song lately.


I know a girl with an artist trapped deeply inside her
She provides for herself, she don't need you to like her
She dresses like a famous portrait
She talks like an angel with the makeup of dangerous torment
She don't wanna get married, she wanna get carried
Away, and figure out how to display all the things she wants to say
She would try to paint, but she don't got the patience that it looks like it takes
Plus her thoughts are too colorful to fit inside a picture
Her spirit is the genuine elixir
Her personality is such a brilliant fucking work of art
She's a devil with a sensitive heart
She don't like the boys that feel like they gotta be cool
And she don't like the fake hoes in cosmetology school
But one day, she'll show the world
That she's no ordinary Goddamn woman

=]

I went on a date last night with Evan, a boy from Huntington that attends the 509. We've been talking on the phone & texting a lot, but last night was the first time we'd really hung out. We went down to the reservoir and sat by the water and talked for like 3 hours...he didn't think it was creative but I thought it was incredibly sweet. It was way better than just sitting inside all night or going to the movies & getting dinner. He's very easy to talk to and I'm very comfortable around him...but not too comfortable to not get butterflies. :] I've always told myself that the right guy would pursue me, and I wouldn't have to put forth a ton of effort to make it happen or have to chase him..well, that's exactly what he's been doing, we talk everyday & he initiates it. I think this is the start of something good :] I guess we'll see...

Right now..

I really wish I had gone to IU. End of story.

It's been awhile

Not many things make me happier than sunshine on my shoulders and spending a whole day doing something I enjoy. It was amazing outside today and I wish I would've taken more advantage of it. I spent most of the day inside at my Dad's making a watch & a bracelet. I love making things. I would love to live on an island and own a jewelry shop, but I've got to have money to do that, ha. :]

I've been working the past two weeks and it's pretty terrible. The cooks are creepy & the place smells. I'm trying to tell myself that I only have to do it for 3 months & then I'm free. Hopefully I can stick with it.

Speaking of 3 months..it's about that long until I graduate! I can't wait, the past 7 months have gone by so fast, for which I'm thankful. Even though that place stresses me out and annoys me to no end, I'm going to miss it.

I'm learning to love people, even when they mess up..and it's really, really hard. I'm also trying to not be afraid of who I am and what I feel. It's something I've always struggled with, and I feel like very few people truly know me. I'm ready to move and have a place where I can really invest myself & my time, and people I can really get close to.

I keep having pregnant dreams. They totally freak me out because they seem so real. Eek. Good thing there's no possible way I'm pregnant.

I'm off to do yoga & laundry...and possibly read a book & finish a necklace I started.