Letting Go

There's way too much happening in my mind right now. My thoughts are bouncing around in every direction. My heart and my head are constantly fighting, and I hate it. I just want to be absolutely, 100% sure about something. Then over the weekend, my mom said something that totally threw me for a loop. I've been thinking about it recently, but not as much as I am now that she mentioned it.

I hate sitting around watching people I care about stay in fucked up relationships. I know that I've had my fair share of misjudgments when it comes to guys, but in my defense, I was young, and I've grown up a lot since then. I still remember Keaton telling me he wouldn't talk to me until I broke up with John. I thought it was a horrible thing for him to say at the time, but he was justified. All I did was sit and bitch about our relationship and how he hated all my friends, yet I did nothing about it. Why can't people see what I see?

I want to go to Chicago now. 4 days seems way too long to wait, this week is going to take forever. I'm sad that I'll be missing service and seeing my family, but I'm excited about the opportunity to go to the show.

I can't wait to graduate, move, and start my life. I love the people I've met here, but it's not home, and I'm not happy. I'm trying to make the best of it for the time being. I'm going to miss the girls here, but I know that I'll stay in touch with them, and visit often. I hope that I can find a salon in Ft. Wayne that is perfect for me. That is my fastest growing fear, that I won't find a place that I'm totally in love with and enjoy going to everyday. I just need to stop worrying about it and realize that it's all out of my hands. Everything is out of my hands.