Chi-town

Just got back from Chicago really late last night. I had a blast! I had so much fun with all the girls, we didn't come back hating each other at all - something that Brea told us would happen. The show was an awesome experience, seeing people with all different lifestyles coming together for a shared passion was awesome. Chicago/the show was full of gorgeous boys, hah. I was definitely diggin the fact that 90% of the guys I saw wore tight pants and looked pretty awesome all around. We went shopping at Water Tower Place one day and obviously had fun. I also thoroughly enjoyed dancing in our hotel room at night. :] I'm too tired to think of anything else to say, except that homeless people love trying to hustle me. Later.


P.S. I had another super weird dream last night, similar to the one I had the other night. Ugh.

Ut-oh

I had a crazy dream last night. Sam says it means that new beginnings will be coming, but they may be scary. Hmmm... :]

Story...

I forgot this in my last post. So, Saturday I totally realized why I turned down every other good opportunity to go to cosmetology school. I got a client that wanted all over highlights and lowlights. At first I groaned and didn't want to do it. Then, when my instructor told me that she formerly had cancer so she had really thin hair, I was even more reluctant. I thought "great, another person who is going to pour all their troubles upon me, and I have to sit and pretend to care." I know, I'm the most selfish, insensitive person on earth. So I went to get her and she sat down and we started to discuss what she wanted done with her hair. I was still -probably noticeably- irritated. Once I got going, I could tell her hair wouldn't take any time at all, because she literally had the thinnest hair I'd ever seen. As I was working, she started to open up to me, it was obvious that she was very nervous and embarrassed by her hair. She told me that she was now 25, and had had cancer since she was 7. She was currently in remission and had been for the past 5 years - the longest she's ever been without cancer. Her hair was finally getting longer, and she felt like she needed a change with it. She proceeded to tell me that she had lost her mother, her aunt, and her grandmother...all to cancer. I couldn't even begin to understand what this girl has been through. She was finishing her GED(due to all the school she'd missed), and was hoping to continue on to college to become a nurse - an ambition I highly respect, because it's something I couldn't do. She was there with her fiance and his siblings. When I asked how long they'd been together, she timidly smiled at me and said, "6 months." She said that although she used to make fun of people who said things like this, she just knew he was the man she was supposed to be with forever. It was obvious that they were head over heels for one another, and it was the most refreshing thing I've seen in a long time. She just had this incredible energy and spirit about her, she was so inspiring. Now, on to the hair. I finished it, and I was personally pretty pleased with how it turned out, and I was really hoping that she would like it. As I turned her back towards the mirror so that she could see the final results for the first time, it was the most amazing thing ever. It was obvious that she felt more beautiful than she ever had. I worked harder than I have in a long time, because I really wanted her to love her hair, and she did. The appreciation she showed towards me brought tears to my eyes. I want to make someone feel that good about themselves everyday. It doesn't matter to me if she tips me, or buys product, or tells her friends who did her hair; what matters is that I made a difference in how she feels about herself, that for a second she could forget about everything bad that had happened in her life, and see on the outside what I knew was on her inside. It made getting up at 6:00 a.m. totally worth it.

Letting Go

There's way too much happening in my mind right now. My thoughts are bouncing around in every direction. My heart and my head are constantly fighting, and I hate it. I just want to be absolutely, 100% sure about something. Then over the weekend, my mom said something that totally threw me for a loop. I've been thinking about it recently, but not as much as I am now that she mentioned it.

I hate sitting around watching people I care about stay in fucked up relationships. I know that I've had my fair share of misjudgments when it comes to guys, but in my defense, I was young, and I've grown up a lot since then. I still remember Keaton telling me he wouldn't talk to me until I broke up with John. I thought it was a horrible thing for him to say at the time, but he was justified. All I did was sit and bitch about our relationship and how he hated all my friends, yet I did nothing about it. Why can't people see what I see?

I want to go to Chicago now. 4 days seems way too long to wait, this week is going to take forever. I'm sad that I'll be missing service and seeing my family, but I'm excited about the opportunity to go to the show.

I can't wait to graduate, move, and start my life. I love the people I've met here, but it's not home, and I'm not happy. I'm trying to make the best of it for the time being. I'm going to miss the girls here, but I know that I'll stay in touch with them, and visit often. I hope that I can find a salon in Ft. Wayne that is perfect for me. That is my fastest growing fear, that I won't find a place that I'm totally in love with and enjoy going to everyday. I just need to stop worrying about it and realize that it's all out of my hands. Everything is out of my hands.

Me-Ness

I hate that the only time I see half my friends is when they need their hair done. Not cool.

I want it to be summer time, so bad.

I want to go to concerts and wear tank tops and get too hot.

I need a change of scenery.

I need new people.

I have some major issues to work out.

But what I really need, is to stop thinking about myself so much.
-Heath talked about that Sunday, and he was totally talking to me.

Role reversal much?

So this weekend I went home like usual, expecting it to be like normal. No. I ended up spending WAY more time with my dad than my mom. He's just so interested in me, he cares about everything I have to say, and wants to sit and talk to me for hours about anything. My mom, on the other hand, couldn't care less about anything unless it has to do with her boyfriend and/or his children. I'm just really sick of it, I'm tired of talking to her about my problems and her bringing EVERYTHING back to him somehow. I'm also really sick of them just sitting around bashing his ex-wife and my dad & step-mom. Like they have nothing better to talk about? She totally ditched my the entire weekend to hang out with him & his kids. It's like she can't survive unless she's with him - she goes into total bitch mode when he's not around, and then when he is, she's in total fake mode. I'm just way over it.

Beyond

Irritated. Verizon's website is absolutely ridiculous to get into your account. Facebook's new layout is annoying. And the dumbass bag boy at Kroger should be fired. 3 gallons of juice in one bag? Really? Fucking idiot.

Well...

People change.

Family is always there.

Watchmen was amazing.

I can't wait for the weekend.

I want my hair to be really long like Silk Spectre II.

I'm out.

Right where I'm supposed to be...

Today I realized why I'm doing what I'm doing. I only did 2 girls hair today; one at school and one at home. They both loved their hair and between the both of them, I made $30 in tips. That's not too shabby at all, and the feeling of knowing I made someone really happy and feel better about themselves is seriously impossible to describe. I can't wait to do this the rest of my life! :]

Un-Rants

I realized in the past couple days that I have been blessed with the most amazing family & some of the best friends a girl could ask for.

I got to see Micah & Megan over the weekend, both of which I hadn't for quite some time, and of course I had a blast as always. We hung out and laughed, and for a moment, things in my life seemed to fall back into place, because I was with two of my favorite people.

Today, I hung out with Keaton for a few hours, it seems like no matter how long we go without seeing each other or talking, we remain close and always have a good time together. He's one of the few people in my life that I can be totally myself with, and for that, I am incredibly grateful. We talked about old times, and how we want the old group to get back together and hang out like we used to, I still have hope that it will happen someday.

My mother and I spent more time together than usual in the past few days, and even though sometimes we fight like hell, I have no idea where I'd be without that woman. She has been and always will be my backbone. I love her more than life itself...and I only hope that someday I can be half the mother to my children that she has been to us.

Drew is coming down tomorrow and I'm pretty excited. We have so much fun together, he's an amazing brother. I love that we can just sit and have an entire conversation of movie quotes. We're almost always on the same page, it's so awesome.

Hill is the sister I never had, and I'm so glad she came into my life. I go to her with any problem and she just listens to me and gives input. She's older than me, and whether she realizes it or not, she's wise and gives great advice. She's also one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen, I wish she could see what the rest of us do.

Heath is just my crazy, introverted, older brother. I respect him so much, and I look up to him a whole lot. I know that everything that comes out of his mouth is well thought out and most often well studied. I'm lucky to have him around to go to when I need anything.

My dad & Cyndi are becoming bigger parts of my life as time moves on. I appreciate what they bring to my life, and how they've come to accept me for who I am. I love my father for not trying to change me anymore. He's become a good man.


..This basically became a shout out to everyone in my life...and of course there are a few other unmentioned people around that make me smile :]

Rants

I walked to the fitness room a few minutes ago to use the tanning bed, which is currently out of order. That stupid thing is always fucked up, this place is a sham. Hah.

On to what I'm really irritated with. I was reading my new Cosmo today, a mag that always entertains me and provides me with some helpful tips. Today, I happened to catch something that is probably always in there but I've never paid much attention to. It was like 3 pages of pictures of hair/makeup looks you should & shouldn't do. This just really pissed me off, who is deciding how we can & cannot present ourselves? As long as I'm not walking around in a teal scrunchie with bright purple all-over shadow, then why do you give a shit? If I want to add some color to my makeup besides gold/brown/black/grey, then I think I'll do that. If it's what makes me comfortable and confident, why should anyone be bothered by this? Just how I see it...

Oh, and ANOTHER thing that really bothered me. I was reading an article about how to attract a guy or something of the sort. First of all, I'm not going to go to a bar/club to get a guy - thanks anyway Cosmo. Besides that, they were talking about how girls should wear heels & form fitting clothes. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all about showing what my momma gave me, but I refuse to dress like a borderline slut to get someone's attention. If I have to be someone I'm not by throwing on a pair of heels and a tight shirt just to get a guy's attention, then he's not the guy who's attention I should be seeking. Articles like these just drive me nuts, they make girls think they have to fit into some mold and all look the same in order to get a guy. Ah! When will people realize that the most attractive thing is being yourself. I can't stand when a guy tries to be something he's not, it's the most repulsive behavior...next to trying to dress & smell like an Abercrombie spokesmodel. Girls have evolved enough to find the beauty in quirky guys, when will guys get to this point? All I know is, I will proudly wear my high tops until I found a boy that appreciates them. :]

Peace.

Patience is a virtue

Went up to Huntington last night, had a lot of fun with everyone while I was doing Hill's hair. I want to move, I want to move, I want to move....nooowww.

Speaking of Hill's hair, it looked gorgeous, as always...a big thanks to all the guys for letting us crash their boys night, and Matt for being so nice/helpful. :]

Watched seasons 1 & 2 of Alway's Sunny today, I have a new show to be in love with.

Peace.