my love

Today my father asked me if I was getting cold feet. I said no, definitely not, to which he responded (quite shocked, I might add) "really???". Not only did this little exchange irritate me, but it rather offended me. He felt the need to continue on with things like "it's not something to not take seriously, ya know?" Yes, dad, I know. But no offense, you're about the last person I'll be taking relationship/marriage advice from. As two people from divorced families, Ethan and I definitely know what not to do. With that said, this conversation sparked in me a memory of my favorite couple - Maurice & Madeline. When Maurice died, I felt a pain so deep, I thought it would never go away, and sometimes I still find myself with that same deep feeling of pain as the day he passed (tears are welling up in my eyes as I type this). But my pain was nothing compared to what Madeline must have felt and still feels today. When my mom asked her if she would ever date again - even for the sake of companionship - Madeline said no, Maurice was the love of her life and no one ever could or would replace him. Even now I can't imagine my life without Ethan. I literally have no idea what I would do without him - the thought makes my heart hurt (unfortunately, I am such a paranoid person, I worry every time one of us makes the 25 mile drive between us). He is the love of my life, no one could even come close to replacing him - I wouldn't want them to. I have never in my entire life been more sure of anything. Ethan is my Maurice. And whether or not my dad can see it, I am completely in love with him and I will spend the rest of my life figuring out what it takes to stay that way.

I mourned for the loss of innocent lives in 9/11. I mourn for the loss of a wicked man's soul. I mourn for those who loved them all. I mourn for what we consider justice. I mourn for the attitudes, actions, and behavior of my brothers and sisters in Christ. I mourn for the state of our people when we lower ourselves to those with whom we are in opposition - remembering the cheers of our 'enemies' when 9/11 was a success, and the all too familiar feeling when I see 'my people' acting just the same. I mourn it all.

my newest venture

I have a started a 'hair blog'. I'll be doing weekly tips/tricks/product reviews/etc. So go check it out :)

www.hairmeoutblog.com

thanks!!

So, I am a couple weeks behind on this post - but I am engaged!! Because I don't feel like writing the whole story (and I don't have all the pictures on me) I will give a short synopsis:

Ethan & I shared a wonderful, Italian dinner.
He wrote me a beautiful song that he played for me before proposing.
He designed me a gorgeous ring - better than anything I could've picked out.
He is the man of my dreams.
I am incredibly excited to start planning our life together.

A couple weeks ago my step-mom, Cyndi's, niece took her own life. She had been involved with drugs, and more recently alcohol, her entire life. It stunted her cognitive development, her reasoning skills were skewed. Her logic was just a little off. She had a husband who adored her, a family who supported her, and still she let her past get the best of her. Selfishly taking her life - in their home, leaving her husband to find her and clean up the mess (literally). I see my brother heading down this same path. He finds fault with everyone else - he couldn't have possibly made his own situation, he's angry about everything. He has the personality of a 16 year old (interestingly enough, about the time he started being involved with all these things). I hope with every fiber of my being that he can turn himself around and leave all of this in the past, that he can rise above what he thinks he deserves. That he can see people aren't out to get him, they've just been exhausted by trying to help him for over a year when he doesn't want to help himself. I pray he doesn't meet the same end that Julie did, but it scares the hell out of me that he will. He's in a very dark place right now.