this is me right now :(

:)

the good Samaritan

Mom and I had a discussion last night about being generous and how people use their money. One of the people we talked about was a particular person who I feel is pretty awful. Seeing or thinking about him makes my blood boil and my stomach turn. He took advantage of my mom in a situation where she was broken and hurting - that equates to awful in my book. Anyways, as awful as he may be, he's incredibly generous. Anything we needed, he was there. Whether it was for the correct motives or not, there were times we wouldn't have gotten through without his help.

On the other hand, there is my father. He is, seemingly, a good person. He does what he is supposed to do, says what he is supposed to say, and would never step out of line (trust me, the rules are the rules, you don't break them under any circumstance). Yet, he is just about the least generous person I know. He thinks that by doing his job he is helping people. I seem to disagree, if you're getting paid a substantial amount for something, you're not exerting too much to help anyone. I see giving as a selfless act, something that doesn't give you a paycheck at the end of the week. Asking my father to do anything (more recently, cosign on my car loan, to which he declined) is like asking for his first born. It seriously kills him to help anyone, especially financially. He has to make sure he gets his and no one else gets something they don't deserve.

This is pretty infuriating. Why is it that someone who portrays everything I stand against is so giving to people in need? Yet someone who tries to embody all that is "Christian" wouldn't think twice about seeing someone in need and walking right by. Have we learned absolutely nothing from the Bible? If anything, I've learned that it doesn't matter what race or religion someone is, if they need help I should help them. It's that simple. Yes, I work hard for my money, but my needs are met and some people's aren't. Why should I not do everything in my power to make sure everyone is okay? Sure, maybe I'll get taken advantage of more than once, but in the end I can say I've tried my best to help every person I encountered. That doesn't sound so bad to me.


"And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'"  -Matthew 25:40

good

I love this

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me’” 

— Erma Bombeck

from Josh:

"I'm watching SaTC the movie...Basically I want to say that I love you forever, dear. Forever and ever :)"

I love my friends, a lot :)

do as you please, I'll back you up

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with meaningless conversations at work that I just need a really good one. This weekend was filled with really good talks, and music, and people, and walks, and food, and drinks, and movies...and I loved it. I'm really happy. And I'm really thankful for the people in my life.

And sometimes, all I can say is "thanks, God" ...things work out for the best, always.

I'm Sorry

I've never liked you. I think you're rude, self-centered, immature, negative, and paranoid. I make it clear I'm not thrilled to be in your presence. I scoff at your outrageous statements. I call out your ignorance. I talk about you behind your back. I don't even try to comprehend why any of my friends could possibly enjoy being around you. I apologize, sincerely. I pray that God shows me how to love you and accept you for who you are, with all of your shortcomings. I have them too, I've just been ignoring the plank.

I run to you

I have phenomenal friends. It's been a hard month and I appreciate the people surrounding me. I've been really tense and difficult to deal with lately - I realize that - and I can't thank them enough for just being there. For listening and comforting when all I could do was complain or cry. I know everything will be okay, sometimes I just get lost in the smaller picture. So for the times that happens, thanks for reminding me about the bigger one.

Random Bits of Information

1. Practice tonight went really well. It was stressful, only because Ronnie & I are both stressed in other areas of our lives and we had a tough time 'leaving our problems at the door'. But seeing the smiles of those girls makes me feel so blessed just to be a part of this at all.

2. I'm really hoping that by the weekend I'll have a car. A guy is going to auction for me Thursday & Friday, if he doesn't find anything we'll be going to negotiate the original car I liked.

3. Heath & Hillary are adjusting well, I'm incredibly proud of them and so glad they are pursuing their dreams. I've only recently realized how hard it must've been for Hillary to put her dreams on hold for 5 years to let Heath pursue his. I admire her for that.

4. Drew goes to court Wednesday, I'm keeping my fingers crossed. It hurts my heart to see him this way.

5. The movie (and the book) Green Mile almost always brings tears to my eyes. I hate more than anything seeing people treated poorly/unjustly.

6. I started reading The Winter of Our Discontent by John Steinbeck. I was really excited because I loved the other 2 books of his that I've read, unfortunately I just cannot get into it. I felt a little better when I asked Heath and he agreed that it was incredibly boring.

7. I am confused. I am unsure of my place in life. I am feeling directionless. I am lost. I am missing my family and friends. I am broke. Yet, I am content. I am just happy to be alive.

I like this

I'manerd.

baby boy & me snuggling

today, I had to say goodbye to him :(

the girl is a friend of a friend

she has a huge yard with woods

and 2 other boxers

he will be happy

let's talk about sex?

Recently, I had a discussion with a friend about all sorts of life issues. The conversation, as they so often do, turned to the topic of sex. He told me that he believed Christian couples, married or not, use birth control as a cop out to "enjoy the pleasure of sex without having to face the consequences". Right at first I saw where he was coming from and thought, how arrogant of us to take that into our own hands (my inner Catholic wanted to have its say). Within about 5 minutes I was in strong opposition to his statement.

My issue with this statement (there are many): Why should married couples be forced to have children? I said to him, "What if a couple gets married but doesn't want to have children yet?" His response, "Then why get married?" Wait...what? Let's say a couple knows they aren't cut out to be parents, but they're madly in love. They don't deserve to be married? Let's say a couple would like to spend time working on their marriage for a few years before having children. They should just keep dating forever? Get real. It was suggested that there are "natural" methods of birth control, like tracking a woman's cycle. I'm not sure if you know much about a woman's cycle, but that doesn't leave much "action" for anyone.

What I'm saying is, I'm not getting married to be abstinent. Nor am I getting married to become that family on TLC with a thousand children. Why can't I get married because I fall in love? Call me crazy, but I didn't understand the sole reason of sex to be procreation.

I feel as though saying taking birth control is putting it in your own hands instead of God's, would be like saying you shouldn't go to the doctor. Didn't God create the people who became doctors for our benefit? Not to say every medical procedure is justifiable because "God made the doctor", but keeping people who shouldn't have children from becoming parents sounds good to me.

gets me every time

I just finished the seasons of Sex & the City (for about the zillionth time) and I'm going to share my favorites of the last season.

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."


"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love."







...what can I say, I'm a sucker?

I'm not serious enough

Sure, sometimes I'm witty and sarcastic. Maybe it's how I deal with the occasional awkward situation, but it's not always a way to 'keep people out'. I'm hard to get to know, but my friends know the real me very well. I'm not going to justify joking around or the fact that I love horror films. That's part of who I am, so don't pull out your psychological bullshit saying it's 'just a defense mechanism'. Thanks for the free analysis, though.

what is love?

I seem to have this issue where I develop a crush on someone and find it really hard to reverse those feelings. Almost always it's the typical "perfect guy" and even though the evidence stacks up that he's so totally wrong for me, I still continue telling myself I need to get to know him better to really be sure. Why do greatly differing perspectives on important issues not get the point across for me? I keep chasing after this perfect image of a guy. I'm getting tired.

Sometimes

I look at those around me (Heath) and wonder:

"why can't I figure out my gift?"

Last Sunday I said goodbye to my sister.

Yesterday I said goodbye to my brother.

Saturday I will say goodbye to my dog.

WORST 2 WEEKS EVER.

Hey Guys

Sometimes I remember to update the other blog, so go check it out!

I test drove this today (well, one exactly like it).

I'm not sure anything else will suffice.

A 2010 Camaro for those of you behind the times.

then Megan said:

"I'm ready for you to stop feeling like you need to support someone every 5 seconds so you can create your own life."

hmm, there's a thought...